35 Years Out

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.

--- Quentin Crisp

Fall 1980

     I grew up in a small Kansas town, which wasn't always as bad as small town mythology makes it.  In October of 1980 I changed my life forever when I came out. I didn't move to a larger city with an established gay population I wanted to, I had planned on doing so, but that's not how it worked out. 

     I had researched, and I knew I wasn't as alone as it seemed. I had seen gay rights activists on the news, and I used the Readers Guide to Periodical Literature to find every article I could on gay rights. I started when I was 14. 

     I wanted to go where I believed it was easier to be gay.  But I also knew it wasn't just about finding playmates that it was about being myself. So when I found myself stuck at 18 in the town I so desperately wanted to escape, something deep within me stirred. So many things led to the moment, but I knew it would save me, no matter how difficult it would be. I was right. It was difficult. Very difficult, but it did save me, though it probably wasn't obvious to those around me (why don't you move to California?).

1980:

- Mel Boozer, an openly gay candidate for vice-president, gave a speech at the 1980 Democratic National Convention. 

- Same-gender sexual behavior between male gays was decriminalized in Scotland.

     Being gay wasn't my only secret. But embracing it gave what I needed to free myself from many other secrets, and gave me the foundation to become what I hoped for a person freedom, loved for who I am, and not simply a survivor or oppression and abuse. Simply surviving is not the pursuit of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 

I had other influences as well, some not usually found in small Kansas towns of that era.

     I've learned much about openness, justice, and a lot about the nature of secrets. I've learned that sometimes discretion is the better part of valor, and sometimes it's not. I've learned a lot about diversity, and a lot about what we all share.  I've also learned that we never stop learning. Thank God (Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Buddha, Quan Yin, Elvis,the rama-lama-ding-dong or nothing at all, pick one)

      Milestones like this give are a great time to pause and reflect. and this milestone is a big one for me. As the mood strikes, I'll be sharing some observations, thoughts and opinions here in the coming months. Thanks for taking the time to stop by.

                                                Quentin Crisp 1908-1999

                                                    Thank you Mr. Crisp.