Jung at Heart

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

-                                                               --Carl Jung

The Suburbs of Human Contempt

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.           -Quentin Crisp

  Contempt is the polar opposite of empathy.  Contempt is arrogant and dismissive ("I know best") and has no regard for the concerns or feelings of others. Contempt separates and creates distance between individuals and groups. Contempt is not discernment, it is the passing of judgement. Contempt is not an expression of values, it is the denial of the worthiness of another.

    Contempt is at the heart of every abusive relationship, it is inextricably woven into the dynamics of power-over. Contempt dumps the toxicity of the abuser onto the abused. Common signs that contempt is embedded in the dynamic of a conversation: Eye-rolling, dismissive gestures and sarcastic tones of voice. Beware of these negative communications, from outright nasty comments and attitude to the subtleties of "hate with a smile or a laugh" type putdowns. These are sure signs that someone is not listening or is listening to deprecate you, not to gain understanding. Talking with a contemptuous tone of voice or dismissing information from the other is a power play that says "I matter, you don't."   Every battered spouse and abused child knows sound of sarcasm and the look of contempt in in their abusers eyes. Everyone who has faced harassment because of their race, gender, sexual orientation or beliefs knows it as well.  Whether it is expressed as open disgust or cool disregard, contempt is the bully's moral high ground, increasing their feeling of power and status.

     Contempt is the emotional engine of xenophobic expressions like racism, sexism, homophobia, Islamophobia and antisemitism. It dehumanizes and demonizes, creating an alien, the other. Contempt has been the tool of despots throughout history, used in witch hunts against adversaries, building support by fear mongering.

    Many are shocked at the brazen openness of contemptuous bigots like Donald Trump, Kim Davis, Mike Huckabee, the Duggars and their ilk.  The media's latest outrage is has been there all along for the oppressed, the abused, the overlooked, the shunned. Rendering another invisible may be the most subtle form of contempt, but like all forms of erasure, it is contemptuous and it is a decision.  It takes contempt from "you don't matter" to you don't exist"  And yet people are shocked when the media parades an injustice for the public. They are forced to see what the invisible have known all along, that the contemptuous behavior on display is real, hurtful and damaging. Social change can push the worst to the surface revealing a hidden truth about the worst form of contempt for another-  looking away while someone else is abused. There's the blank stare with a complete lack of acknowledgement. There's also the painted on smile which acknowledges nothing while following the unwritten rules about  "just getting along".  Or the momentary downturned frown at the unpleasant intrusion  and perhaps a perfunctory  "Oh that's too bad" without any other sign of empathy when confronted with evidence of abuse.  Those treated contemptuously on a regular basis (be they battered spouse or child, or members of an unpopular minority group facing bigotry) know the smiles and tears of these types of crocodiles all too well.  Gestures as hurtful as the hateful words and actions of the batterer, perhaps more so because of the dismissal inherent in the fake empathy of the self involved. The message is clear either way-  if one dares to leave the closet of erasure and invisibility, one faces the risk of scorn from the contemptuous benefactors of their status quo, or dismissal from lack of any kind of real support. 

      Contempt has become an essential part of our modern media, though it's not so much about justice as it is about ratings. It's easy to join a bandwagon of contemptuous judgement (Nancy Grace has made a career of it) when the media seizes onto the latest outrage, without considering whether it's true or not.  The case of John and Patsy Ramsey is a revealing example.  They were tried in the media for for years after the murder of their daughter JonBenét, and although completely exonerated in 2008, there will always be those who believe the Ramsey's did it. There's even a South Park episode which presupposes their guilt.  It's easy to have contempt for the killer of a child, and easy to be led when one is being pulled from a place of emotion rather than reason.  Contempt is often based on assumptions and personal baggage rather than facts.  This makes it easy for those who use contempt to promote their agenda through the media.  Self righteous presidential wannabe Mike Huckabee has repeatedly shown contempt for LGBT people in his career as a public figure. When marriage equality was validated by the Supreme Court in June of this year, he condemned the decision with vile and hateful rhetoric, at the same time exhorting people to forgive Josh Duggar for molesting his sisters because he claims to be a "Christian".  In this case, the perpetrator claiming to offer proof of his own moral (and spiritual) superiority and shows contempt toward anyone disagreeing with his personal definitions or the hypocrisy of his behavior.  

Empathy 

“I’ve talked to 30,000 people on this show and they all wanted validation. Everybody wants to know, ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything? -Oprah Winfrey
       
     Cultivating empathy is an essential component of moving beyond the internalization of contempt, which manifests as shame.  Much has been written about the power of forgiveness, but the first step to forgiveness is having compassion for oneself.  Forgiving the other is important, to be sure. To get to that, though, it's essential that you forgive yourself for having believed every contemptuous lie you ever took to heart. "Took to heart" is the operative phrase, many a rebel spends their life disavowing the lies and abuse they've experienced while making little progress in their personal journey to healing.  Arguing a falsehood can be seen as a way of perpetuating the lie, and therefore the shame.  It  doesn't matter if the shame came from an abusive parent, a preacher of hate or a schoolyard bully. Sometimes all you need to get started is a sense that  "I am not what you said, and I will not be like you".  Self-forgiveness can come from that simple beginning, facing the shame is painful, it's never more so than acquiring the shame in the first place.  A word of caution however, be sure you know the difference between real forgiveness and "premature forgiveness", which is just another way of avoiding dealing with the issue. We have to accept the legitimacy of our pain to truly release it and genuinely experience forgiveness. It's necessary to acknowledge the reality of the transgression, and the validity of our resultant anger.  We give our power back to the transgressor if we dismiss the intensity of our anger, for we cannot really assess it's true impact on our lives without it.

 The metropolis Mr Crisp mentions can be seen as the recovery of our self worth without requiring that the world change for us.  Since wherever you go, there you are, it's the same you that started the journey.  Contempt is the force which casts out the outcast,  and it is propelled by emotion, and not reason. Every day that the outcast gets up and presses on is a victory.  And every day that one holds contempt for another takes it toll on them and their ability to fully relate to those in the world around them.  Although that may seem like cold comfort, it's only in the short run,  Over time, developing the ability to experience empathy and love is the ultimate repudiation of the contemptuous aggressor. Living well, as they say being the best and only appropriate revenge.

                    Theresa Wiseman's Four attributes of empathy:

1.) To be able to see the world as others see it—this requires putting our stuff aside to see the situation through the eyes of a loved one.

2.) To be nonjudgmental—judgement of another person's situation discounts the experience and is an attempt to protect ourselves from the pain of the situation.

3.)To understand another person’s feelings—we need to be in touch with our personal feelings in order to understand someone else's. This also requires putting aside "us" to focus on our loved one.

4.) To communicate our understanding of that person’s feelings—rather than saying, “At least...” or “It could be worse...” try, “I've been there, and that really hurts,” or  “It sounds like you are in a hard place now. Tell me more about it.” 

Music, when soft voices die Vibrates in the memory - ~Percy Bysshe Shelley

I first became aware of the Sinceros as  Lene Lovich's backup band on her premiere album Stateless in 1981 when their second album Pet Rock was released.  It's without a doubt one of my favorite album's of the early Eighties. Featuring wonderful songs like "Memory Lane" , Falling in and out of love (later covered by Tracy Ullman) and the haunting gem "Disappearing" Pet Rock is one of my favorite albums of the early 1980's.  All in all, one of the most overlooked bands of all time, a group well worth investigating . Currently their 1st album Sound of Sunbathing can be found on CD at Amazon and other sites,  Pet Rock and the original test pressing 2nd Debut are available at Amazon in digital format. They've also been found at Last.fm in recent years.

Mark Kjeldsen, the group's frontman wrote most of their songs. He had one of the most beautiful voices in power-pop, vibrantly illuminating the songs he wrote for the Sinceros. With tracks like previously mentioned  Falling In and Out of Love and the shimmering Disappearing  Pet Rock simply sparkles. There is a bit more on the net these days about the Sinceros than there used to be, but still little is known about what happened to this band. The band was poorly promoted, it seems, and whispers of creative differences can be found. Mark also had a fine solo single, "Are you Ready" before lapsing into obscurity.

The sad discovery that Mark died of AIDS in the 1990's after working as a social worker and then a cabbie in Holland, comes across as a mere footnote in articles at Wikipedia and the few places you will find if you search for him.  For what it's worth, it's more than a footnote to me. I was living in a small Kansas town when New Wave was at it's height, though I was fortunate (and resourceful) enough to find the music I discovered through Saturday Night Live, HBO's Video Jukebox, Rolling Stone magazine and the Readers Guide to Periodical Literature ( yes there were information resources before the Internet).  Thanks to mail order and trips to nearby Lawrence and KC (and God love my Mom for helping me find it. She didn't understand the music, but she understood how important it was to me). And so I had music I loved, music that spoke to me. I had the Sinceros, and Pet Rock inspired me to hang in there and be true to myself and I felt free, and hopeful.

Mark Kjeldsen was a beautiful man, and he made beautiful music. The spark his music nurtured in me, and in others, lives on. New Wave for me was the promise of new beginnings in a world which felt isolated and far from the world I wanted.   A lesson  which imparted the understanding that life is full of new beginnings, if we have the eyes to see it. Power Pop, indeed.

                        "Take me to your Leader" from "The Sound of Sunbathing."

"Disappearing", from Pet Rock

The Congruent Heart

Health is congruence, a state in which one's beliefs, ones words and the style in which we live (behavior and choices) operate in harmony and balance. Integrity is therefore an essential part of a healthy Spiritual process  This illuminates behavior as affirmation, as powerful as words or feelings. In using the term  "The Thinking Heart" is a term I once heard attributed to Ursula Gestefeld, (though I haven't found the reference) however in adapting the term to The Congruent heart I am also referencing the work of Virginia Satir and others.
 
"The Congruent Heart" operates with integrity and compassion for oneself and others.

All existence is interpretation. As living human beings we are interpreters of our own nature through experience of its possibilities. Confronted by its depths, we are attracted to its heights through the drawing power of our ideals, a power that impels us upward, however strong the gravity of our sensuous nature, What is natural is succeeded by what is possible. -Ursula Gestefeld, The Metaphysics of Balzac

It is therefore important to take responsibility of our own perceptions and the influence that our personal interpretation has on our interaction with others and with the world around us. It also illuminates the importance of compassion in spiritual process, a quality sometimes lost in the pursuit of "ME " spirituality popularized by commercialized spiritual approaches.

Not the same old New Thought

I was drawn to New Thought philosophy by Daily Word video in the 1970's and introduction to Emmet Fox in the 1980's..  Regardless of Merriam- Websters definition (which is limited to historical understanding of the New Thought movement (or should that be movements?).  New Thought is more than it's origins and in a sense defies easy definition.  Like Taoism,  can be pretty tough to discuss. There are those whose thoughts tend to resonate with what I believe.  I defer to their skill in bring forth the words. Abel Allen's work sums contemporary New Thought up nicely.

NEW THOUGHT is not, as many believe, a name or expression employed to define any fixed system of thought, philosophy, or religion, but is a term used to convey the idea of growing or developing thought. In considering this subject, the word "New" should be duly and freely emphasized, because the expression "New Thought" relates only to what is new and progressive.
It would be a misuse of terms to apply the expression "New Thought" to a system of thought, because when thought is molded and formed into a system, it ceases to be new. When a system of thought has reached maturity and ceases to grow, expand, and develop, it can no longer be defined by the word "New." It follows, therefore, as a necessary conclusion, that no system of new thought, or no system of thought defined by that expression, now exists or ever can exist. "New Thought" is the result or creation of perpetually advancing mind. The growing mind is not content with the past or its achievements. It is not satisfied with systems of philosophy or religion originating in other ages and handed down through succeeding generations. They do not satisfy the wants of the mind. Systems do not grow, mind develops. It wants something larger and better; it wants improvement, growth, and development. It is merely the logical and natural effort of the mind in its struggle for advancement; it is following its basic and inherent law. - Abel L. Allen

              Complete essay here:  New Thought defined by Abel L. Allen

                                          New Thought at Wikipedia

I also recommend reflecting upon the Collected Essays of Ralph Waldo Emerson. It can be tough going, and applying his philosophy to the Modern world can be challenging.  I've found it worth it, though. Free at Archive.org here.

I actually find Newton Dillaway's Gospel of Emerson the most useful when considering Emerson's work as a whole. 

It can be found at Amazon here . 

It's also free online in several places. 

   I read the following essay in 1985 during a period of intense soul searching-
                            Raymond Smullyan's classic Is God a Taoist?

Overall, however, when discussing belief systems in any public forum, and especially on Social Media, I prefer discussions consider an Agnostic view. The benefits and relative merits of belief are best represented by the comportment and personal conduct of the believers.

Remembering My Friend, Mr. Nobody

    I've never really told anyone why I got so hooked on Star Trek in the first place, that show being my initiation into the world of serious sci-fi.  Truth be told, around age seven, after my parents divorced, I saw my first episode of Trek, and I thought William Shatner looked kind of like my dad. Not a ringer, but kind of, sort of, in a way. Close enough for a seven year old who missed his dad, my parents having divorced a few years earlier. I don't even know which episode it was. It was still on at night then, and I did my best to see it whenever I could.  Pretty soon, everything sci-fi fascinated me, I found the books of Lester Del Rey at the public library and read every single one of them.

   

When I was eight, KBMA-TV UHF channel 41(now KSHB) signed on the air on August 10, 1970. Out of Kansas City, with a daytime line up of reruns frm the 50's and 60's.In addition to standards like Leave it to Beaver it showed re-runs of Lost in Space, most of which I'd never seen when they'd aired at night. before the reruns I saw mostly what my parents chose to watch at night. I did see some shows which were scifi in nature if not emphasis  (Get Smart, Wild Wild, West- I could do an entire post on the latter)  My tastes were not yet sophisticated, but I was  hooked on sci-fi and I lived for summer days when I could watch it every weekday morning. I related to the theme, feeling rather lost in space myself.  When I was about 5 ½, my mother sat me down and told me that “daddy doesn't live here anymore”.  Just before I turned six, I went to the Ozarks with my uncle and Grandmother, and when I got home, we went to a new house. I no longer had a room of my own, I had to share with two other boys I didn't know. There were also two girls having gone from only child to one of five overnight.   I was told these were my brothers and sisters. And although I still saw my daddy several times a month, I was also to call the new man my mother was married to  "Dad" as well. And that was about all the explanation I got.  There was only one thing that carried over from my old life, my dog Tinkerbelle a small white spitz. One day when I was about seven, one of my new “brothers” let her follow him to school while I was home from sick.  I never saw Tinkerbelle again, she was hit by a car crossing the street after him. I became hysterical, but instead of comfort I was scolded for making a scene.

UHF stations were to the 70's what cable was to the 80's. KBMA's reruns were preferred to the game shows and soap operas which dominated network television at the time. This is how I discovered Lost in Space.

The first episodes I saw were the black and whites, which I loved. Except for “The Spacecroppers” and “The Sky Pirates”, both of which are could be seen as previews for the camp direction the series would later take. The black and whites are good old fashioned space opera, typical of non-anthology sci-fi television up to that point. It debuted a season ahead of Star Trek in the Fall of 1965, which debuted in September of 1966. Star Trek set a new standard for science fiction television, and although initially Lost In Space was one of the most successful syndicated shows at the dawn of the UHF revolution in 1969, it would soon be eclipsed by Star Trek as it began it's long and remarkable journey to becoming the phenomenal and multi faceted franchise it is today. The differences between the shows, were summed up best by Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, at the time.  “Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry insisted that the two shows could not be compared. He was more of a philosopher, while understanding that Irwin Allen was a storyteller. When asked about Lost in Space, Roddenberry acknowledged: "That show accomplishes what it sets out to do. Star Trek is not the same thing".  - From the Lost in Space Wiki page  

It's in the spirit of great space opera that I enjoy my favorite Lost in Space episodes.  I was particularly fond of first season episodes Invaders from the Fifth Dimension, “The Sky is Falling”, Wish Upon a Star,

The Keeper pts 1&2, featuring Michael Rennieand War of the Robots, featuring the ubiquitous Robby the Robot. 

I was riveted by the season finale, Follow the Leader in which John Robinson becomes possessed by a malevolent alien spirit willing to kill Will Robinson to protect his secret, only to be defeated by Will's love for his father.  

My favorite character was Penny, played by Angela Cartwright., and two of her first season episodes are also favorites.  The Magic Mirror, and My Friend, Mr Nobody. The latter is my favorite episode of the series. In those days before home recording became available via the rise of VCR's, chancing upon the episode was always a treat.  My Friend Mr Nobody is also a story which also culminated with a touching lesson about the power of love.

My Friend, Mr Nobody. focuses on Penny and her invisible friend, who is in fact a non-corporeal alien life form, trapped in the center of a planet for millions of years, completely alone. The story by Jackson Gillis is very well written, and it has strong performances, especially from Ms. Cartwright.

If it had been a stand alone episode in an anthology series like Twilight Zone or Outer Limits, it would be better known as the classic it is. I even prefer it to the similarly themed ST:TNG episode “Imaginary Friend” done over 25 years later. John Williams's (Star Wars) score for this episode is lovely, even mystical, and it adds to the sense-of-wonder which makes this such a magical episode. Angela Cartwright was already a seasoned vet at the time of this series, more than able to carry an episode focused on her character. The episode is about loneliness, specifically a lonely child in an isolated setting and her search for comfort and companionship. And about the bond that can develop when loneliness is shared with another- a friend in a most unexpected form (or lack of form, in this case). The scenes where she helps Mr Nobody try to understand his (it's?) own experience, life, and unusual for a child on 60's television , the concept of death (I'm not really sure I understand it myself, she says to Mr. Nobody's query) are quite touching. It spoke to me, and from time to time I still take the time to watch it. The strength of Penny's character in this episode is her openness, her willingness to believe in what is good, her willingness to love. Love, after all, being the remedy loneliness calls out for. 

This episode is cited by Angela Cartwright as her favorite as well, and it's fondly remembered by others too. Google the episode and, you'll find fan pages and tributes out there. Whether you're a fan of Lost In Space or not, give it a look.

It might not be what you'd ordinarily pick, but consider a lonely, isolated moment in your life or in life of someone you love and let the sense of wonder and affirmation of love in Penny's journey touch you as well.

.

WATCH My Friend, Mr. Nobody at Hulu

IMDB page with my 2006 review of the episode (as peplumen-1)

Angela Cartwright actress and artist, catch up with her here- 

Angela Cartwright's website

Mandalas

                               

        I make mandala's when I get the time, and when I feel like it. here's one from about about 10 years ago... 

The oldest are on paper, but I have really gotten a great deal out of using computer programs (these were done in photoshop), and most of them were done between 2002-2004. 

Obviously, I'm not a purist. It's still a meditation, and I really enjoy the process. As I go through them, I may post a few from time to time...

a few interesting links, with resources 

Mandalas - Wikipedia page

Free mandala coloring pages for Adults

The Mandala Project

Print Mandala more coloring pages

35 Years Out

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.

--- Quentin Crisp

Fall 1980

     I grew up in a small Kansas town, which wasn't always as bad as small town mythology makes it.  In October of 1980 I changed my life forever when I came out. I didn't move to a larger city with an established gay population I wanted to, I had planned on doing so, but that's not how it worked out. 

     I had researched, and I knew I wasn't as alone as it seemed. I had seen gay rights activists on the news, and I used the Readers Guide to Periodical Literature to find every article I could on gay rights. I started when I was 14. 

     I wanted to go where I believed it was easier to be gay.  But I also knew it wasn't just about finding playmates that it was about being myself. So when I found myself stuck at 18 in the town I so desperately wanted to escape, something deep within me stirred. So many things led to the moment, but I knew it would save me, no matter how difficult it would be. I was right. It was difficult. Very difficult, but it did save me, though it probably wasn't obvious to those around me (why don't you move to California?).

1980:

- Mel Boozer, an openly gay candidate for vice-president, gave a speech at the 1980 Democratic National Convention. 

- Same-gender sexual behavior between male gays was decriminalized in Scotland.

     Being gay wasn't my only secret. But embracing it gave what I needed to free myself from many other secrets, and gave me the foundation to become what I hoped for a person freedom, loved for who I am, and not simply a survivor or oppression and abuse. Simply surviving is not the pursuit of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. 

I had other influences as well, some not usually found in small Kansas towns of that era.

     I've learned much about openness, justice, and a lot about the nature of secrets. I've learned that sometimes discretion is the better part of valor, and sometimes it's not. I've learned a lot about diversity, and a lot about what we all share.  I've also learned that we never stop learning. Thank God (Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Buddha, Quan Yin, Elvis,the rama-lama-ding-dong or nothing at all, pick one)

      Milestones like this give are a great time to pause and reflect. and this milestone is a big one for me. As the mood strikes, I'll be sharing some observations, thoughts and opinions here in the coming months. Thanks for taking the time to stop by.

                                                Quentin Crisp 1908-1999

                                                    Thank you Mr. Crisp.